Sunday, August 23, 2009

In the light of a gloriously romantic moon

The people scattered at the truth, eating at their own self esteem. With nothing but pity at the sound of pattering feet, they left their minds far behind. Insanity overruled their objections to sensibility. The ravish tyranny of the scene burnt with a long overcooked sense of idiocy. But the blue eyes remained resolute in their understanding of the natural order things follow. The crestfallen heap of sarcastic anger removed restraints of delicate tact, and let forth an outburst of anger so ferocious it could only be described as a foaming bubble bath of indecency. The instant his track changed directions, the centripetal force that is desperation clung to his essence however wispish it may be. And the bell of Forgiveness rang clear and true amidst the small edible embodiments of hatred. When the sun set over the town of Unrequition, a gloriously romantic moon rose above the heightened sense of ridiculous depression, revealing a night full of accidental contact, confused statements, false truths, and most importantly, feeble kisses that meant more than life itself, though never openly. And when their lips met, all was still again. Calm happiness barely restrained by reason's slow and steady truths. tried to bust from its bonds. Elation was ecstatic with the possibilities when the lips parted once, then twice. Barely fulfilled was its incredible desire when half-hearted remorse rode out on the tongue of one. Leaving everything up to the second, the first knew its insincerity was perfectly masked; after all, their lives were both built on the same ideals. The second, stunned at first by the loquacious attempts at dismay revolted from the hideous sight of the two of them. In the last reaches of possible doubt he recognized the blue eyes, their hesitant display of motion. Insanity threw the book at reason, letting his guilt compete the corrupted negativity. In an outburst of desperate love, he let loose.
"I'm sorry..." The lips repeated again.
"I'm not.' The clear defiance gave his retaliation strength.
And the moon smiled from above as the two embraced again, having both realized they wanted the same thing.
All in the light of a gloriously romantic moon.

Someone stop me..

Someone stop me... But this new expansion for World of Warcraft looks incredible. Almost enough to make me want to play it again. But please.. Someone stop me before I start formulating a plan to make that possible. PLEASE!! SOMEONE STOP ME!! O.o

Saturday, August 15, 2009

The weather's nice outside...

I'm loosing sight. Not physically, only mentally. But it's affecting my physicality. I'm loosing sight of what I want. Forgetting what means anything to me. I'm on temporary hold. Denying reality because in reality, I'm denied. Denied the simple pleasures of life; friends, relationships... you get the idea. I really hate being in a place where there's always the underlying factor that I'm different. And it's so blatantly expressed everywhere.

Sometimes life seems so unreal where I am, that I worry it will be just as unreal elsewhere. I feel so different out here, that my relationships with people are dwindling. I'm not accepted in this reality, so I escape to the ones other people have created. Ironically enough, escaping to an alternative reality only decreases my chances of being normal, of being accepted.

There's really only one thing for it. I can either shut myself off from humanity, or completely envelop myself in it. The latter, I'm not positive I'm ready for. Even if I was, I'm not sure I'd want to. I don't feel the need to change in order to fit in to a place that's so temporary.

Maybe I'm just refusing to grow up, to get a life, to be normal. But if I'm not normal, then I'm different. And If I'm not different, I'm the same as everyone else. I honestly think that if I was like everyone else, I would want to be different. But here I am, obviously not the same as almost anyone out here... and all I can do is obsess over the fact that life's so hard. Here I am, different from everyone else... Why am I not making the most of it?

I'm loosing sight I guess. Fearful of the consequences should I express my differences. I guess I'm scared of what people think.. Maybe not what they 'think' I really couldn't care less about that. I'm scared of what happens when they translate their thinking into physical action. It scares me to death. And maybe I'm just making excuses for the fact that I'm not sure I want to envelop myself with people. Maybe it's a genuine fear. Who knows?

I'm loosing sight of the things I want... What do I want to do with my life? What is my ultimate goal? And if my goals can't be fulfilled when I'm in a place like the one I am in... What's there to do but go to a new place and try there?

Two things hold me back. Two important, terrifying things. First of all, the people I have in my life; my family. I love my family, though sometimes I may loose sight of the fact... I love my family very much, and I am afraid of how they would be affected by my actions. I am afraid I would so solidly break the bonds holding me to my family that by the time I have accomplished my goals, and it's no longer about me.. I'm afraid I won't be able to return when it's all about them.

Second... What if reality here, isn't the only reality I don't fit in to? I'm afraid that blaming my unhappiness on the fact that I am in a place that hates me... daydreaming about another place where I can fit in... I'm afraid hating here and hoping for somewhere else is just an excuse for hating everywhere. What if the only place I can really fit in, is a place nobody else knows?

I fear I'm living ahead of my time, or behind it... Who knows? Maybe I'm living in my time, but just stubbornly, unconsciously, idiotically, fearfully, snobbishly, refusing to accept the fact that there are some people who could love me. I know there are people who love me... My family, for one. But as of right now, I am convinced of the fact that I can never be genuinely happy here, and here is where my family chooses to live. I can't ask them to change that. But eventually, and maybe I'm taking too long to convince myself of this... but eventually, I need to leave. Eventually I will NEED to break the bonds that hold me back. Eventually this will mean nothing. Eventually I won't mind this place as much because I won't have to live here. But why can't eventually be now? Why can't I be free already? What godforsaken force brought me here? What ridiculously selfish power is keeping me here? There's really only one strength powerful enough to do that, and that would be my own.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Aerali; a Vividly Obscure Retelling of Events Transpired

The Aerali; a Vividly Obscure Retelling of Events Transpired

Copyright Brett Kesler 2009. ©

Chapter One; The Ceremony

The tension in the air was palpable. The grass, trees, wind; everything seemed to hang in a ghastly transition phase. That is, nothing moved.

Only one thing was void to this stillness, and in its clear ignorance to this rule, the raging bonfire seemed to mock the petrified faces of the twelve youth gathered around it. So much so, in fact, that it went to far as to amplify the feeling of anxiety.

Out of the darkness, a shadow moved. All boys turned their attention to it, each scared stiff by the violator of such an unspoken law as fear.

There it was again. And was it the playful wind, or was that the clear sound of a beast’s footsteps? A monster stalking its prey?

A face appeared in the far reaches of the firelight. As it grew closer, it was easily identified as a fellow Aerali. Relief, for the briefest of moments pierced the icy fear. Until, of course it was recognizable as to whom the face belonged.

The wizened, strict, helplessly omniscient face of Elder Lousia appeared, seriousness etched in every wrinkle of his sagging skin.

“How dwells the wise who dwell in the valley?” The sickeningly overheard greeting rose above the noise of the crackling fire.

“He who, in the valley, dwells wise dwells well, and we seek to be wise.” The agonizingly over-answered response was spoken through twelve sets of chattering teeth. The fire’s warmth, it seemed, did not reach the boys when the elder stood between them.

“Only men can be wise.” He fixed them with a stare so powerful, had there been any reserves of bravery left in any of them, it had just jumped into the fire, obviously choosing the least painful way out of this world.

It was not loyalty, nor courage, nor any good emotion that held the boy’s feet to the ground, their chins up, their eyes forward. It was fear. Fear of what would happen should they decide not to conform. Fear of punishment.

“Only men can be wise.” He repeated. His stern expression waned. “And tonight you will become men.” Though it seemed his anger lessened, his words renewed the anxiety all the boys felt.

“Well, not tonight.” The Elder continued. “Tonight you will learn how to prove your manhood.” He began pacing back and forth in front of the boys.

“Not unlike other tasks you have all carried out in the past fifteen years, tonight you will be given a mission that would normally be completed by a real man.” A wide, devilish smile crossed his face. It looked incredibly frightening, as if the Elder enjoyed their horrified stares.

“The tasks require something none of you have ever been asked to give before. It requires a fierce dedication to perfection. The consequences should you fail will result in a life of solitude, and possibly death.”

The serious implications of what he just said drove the thought deeply into the minds of the young boys.

“When I call your name, you are to come forward and receive your task.” The firelight dimmed ominously.

He always had a love for theatrics. The boy thought, angry at the stupid time-wasting rituals.

“Malchart!” Elder Lousia roared. A muscular boy clad in nothing but the uniform loin cloth all the boys were forced to wear stepped forward. The loin cloth was a symbol of their childhood. It wasn’t until they became real men that they would be permitted to wear anything else.

“Earthen affinity, if I’m not mistaken. What technique?” Elder Lousia already knew the answer, but he made it sound like he didn’t to increase the tension.

It’s working too.. The boy thought, looking at the muscular boy who could barely open his mouth.

“Dyn’Khra.” The boy said in a deep, but quiet voice.

“Good choice for Earth.” The Elder said contemplatively. “Malchart, are you prepared to accept your mission?”

“Yes.” The reply took a while to be said. But when it was it was simple and resolute.

If anyone’s going to pass this year, it’s gonna be him. The boy thought bitterly. He remembered sparring with Malchart, and it had always been a close call.

“You are to retrieve the fangs of a Moon-panther.”

That’s insane! The boy thought. It takes three grown men to kill just one of those!

The rest of the boys seemed to be thinking the same thing. There was a nervous shuffling from eleven pairs of feet, and a readjusting of postures as Malchart said “I will do my best.” And stepped back into formation.

“Trock!” The boy’s friend stepped forward. Elder Lousia asked him about his affinity and technique, but the boy already knew it was fire and Raen. He wasn’t listening to what the Elder had to say.

Insteady, he was busy pleading silently with the Elder, hoping that his friend wouldn’t be given such a ridiculous task as the previous one.

“Acquire the horn of an alpha Cortha. Do not return until you have done so.” The Elder said. Then added as a side note “and we will know if it is indeed that of the alpha Cortha.”

It could have been worse. The boy thought, still undecided whether to be happy or sad. He could have had to kill something like a Gargastraus.

The boy was too deep in thought to hear his name being called.

“Liqre!” The Elder yelled again impatiently. The boy stepped forward, trying to look as brave and determined as possible.

“Water and Raen, excellent combination. Glad to see we have another water Controller in the village.”

He’s talking as if he doesn’t even know me. What, does he think the past fifteen years of training never happened?

Liqre was too deep in thought to hear what the Elder was saying. His ears picked up, however, at a word he was sure he had not heard correctly.

“Sorry, what did you say?” Liqre spoke out of turn in pure shock. He looked at the eleven boys gathered around the fire for some help, but all he saw were gaping mouths and fear.

Elder Lousia didn’t seem to care for his rudeness. In fact, his demonic smile was back, once again warping his old features into those of a mad man’s.

Liqre looked around again, the boys’ expressions had not changed. But of course he had misheard what the Elder had said. A quick glance, however, at Trock confirmed his fears.

With a dramatic flair, quite unlike anyone Liqre had ever seen, the old man spoke.

“The crowning feather. That is your charge. You know… From a Gargastraus.” The smile spread, if at all possible, wider across his face.

Liqre’s mind went into overdrive as he mumbled something he hoped sounded like “I’ll do my best.” And moved back into his place in the tight formation. He hardly noticed the worried glances he was receiving, nor the particularly angry star Trock had fixed on Elder Lousia. The Gargastarus was one of the most fearsome beasts in the entire valley. It was an incredibly fast, flightless bird whose razor sharp, three foot long beak meant certain demise should one take a blow from it.

Liqre remembered, once when he was only five, a rogue Gargastraus had wandered into the Aerali Training Grounds.

The Training Grounds was the place children ages one to sixteen were taught in the ways of the Aerali.

This mean everything from Controlling to martial arts. Controlling was a fancy term for wielding the power of the elements; bending them to your will. Each Aerali had a natural affinity to a certain element, though with training they could learn to use them all. Liqre was best with water.

Every day for the past sixteen years, he had been taught to harness the power of his element. Using these powers in conjunction with the martial arts of their choice, the Aerali youth was trained to be a deadly fighter.

The day the Gargastraus found its way into camp, however, was not a usual day. Elder Lousia had led them out of the Training Grounds, which were high up in the mountains, and down into the Village of the Aerali. It was the first and last time Liqre and Trock had seen the village up close, and they had been aching to do it again ever since.

It was a giant mess of tepees and huts, all thrown together to create a throng of marketing and commerce, two things the boy and his friend knew nothing about.

They would learn the ‘Adult ways’ when they graduated from childhood and took on an apprenticeship down in the village.

Liqre wondered, not for the first time in the past sixteen years, whether he would be able to pass the test.

Tonight, however, he feared deeply he wouldn’t. The last time he had seen a Gargastraus, it had killed two boys his age, and had taken five grown Aerali to take down.

Though the boy was strong himself he doubted he had the ability to make up for four missing adults.

He stood in a clammy silence all throughout the rest of the gathering. It wasn’t until Elder Lousia had finished calling up the other nine boys that Liqre was awaken out of his fear-borne reverie.

“Remember!” He addressed all the twelve boys. “You will not succeed in your task if you do not provide a fierce dedication to perfection. All of you must remember to use the power of control along with your fighting techniques to bring down your enemies.” He fixed them all with a purposeful stare. “You have half an hour to gather the necessary equipment from your huts before you are to start on your journey. Leave.”

The fire behind him extinguished instantaneously. Almost equally as fast, unnatural orbs emitting a strange light started popping up everywhere. They slowly started revolving around people’s heads, giving them the strange appearance of tiny solar systems.

These odd forms of lighting were a very basic form of Control. There were odd yellow orbs, meaning a lightning wielder, or the very spooky green of Earth. Liqre’s own orbs were the only triplets of blue Water in the clearing.

The boy had a question flooding his mind. A question only Elder Lousia could answer. With odd, nervous glances at his back; he made his way towards the Elder. Trock waited for him at the edge of the small clearing, his three fiery orbs illuminating a very angry, worried face.

Liqre performed the traditional bow to the Elder. Like the loin cloth he wore, the bow signified his lower rank, and would be continued even into manhood when addressing Elders, or anyone of a higher rank for that matter.

“Elder…” Liqre began, but didn’t know exactly how to word what he wanted to ask. The Elder looked up. His face drove all thought of his question clean from his mind. The old man looked very serious. If Liqre didn’t know better, he would have thought the Elder looked sad.

The silence that ensued was slightly uncomfortable, so Liqre tried to go on. “I… I was just wondering… What happe…” but Liqre couldn’t go on. Elder Lousia’s face looked so confused, like he was battling to suppress his emotions, that the boy completely forgot what he was going to say.

“Nevermind.” He walked away from the defeated looking man.

Trock took up his pace, and they hurried down the worn path that led back to the training grounds.

The boys’ blonde hair, dyed silver in the pale moonlight, bobbed up and down as they trod down the path in silence. Trock broke it first, speaking in an angry voice.

“Crazy, huh? What gives them the right to give out suicide missions to sixteen year olds?”

Liqre nodded, not wanting to open his mouth. Trock looked at him with a worried expression.

“Nervous?” He asked. Liqre nodded again. “Me too…” The rest of the way to the small hut they shared was walked in silence.

It was slightly bigger than the huts sixteen year olds usually slept in. It had been a task; build a durable shelter in a given time-limit. Trock and Liqre had, like usual, worked together on the project.

They gathered their supplies from the small house in silence. Liqre took only what he needed; bits of dried meat, dried berries, a good size cloth that would serve many purposes, and his walking stick that provided a good weapon in battle.

The place to find a Gargastraus was far off by the Ru’tsu watering hole; nearly a day and a half journey.

Though Elder Lousia had given them half an hour, it had only been fifteen minutes when the boy and his friend set out. Liqre couldn’t help but wonder if he would ever see the hut again.

After a few minutes walking in silence, Trock turned to the boy. “Listen…” He put his hand on Liqre’s shoulder, stopping him. “You’re the best in our year. Getting the stupid feather’s gonna be easy for you. Me, on the other hand…”

Liqre turned to look at Trock’s face and couldn’t help but laugh (albeit a nervous one) at the helpless expression he wore.

“Exactly what’s the difference between an alpha Cortha and a regular one?” Liqre laughed again, feeling slightly better.

“Third horn. Most only have two.” Liqre said through a smile.

“That’s right! Thanks.”

“Now you gotta tell me what the old bat means by the crowning feather…”

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Reunion

Yesterday was my grandpa's 70th birthday. There was a big celebration at their house in Spanish Fork, UT. It's a nice old house, it's very classy and definitely a nostalgic thing. For as long as I can remember, pulling into their driveway meant a one-way ticket to fun. As of recent, however, the house has called upon a different exclamation when I see it; "drama!" Since my dad lives there, and everything.. It's not so special whenever I see it, and I've associated it with most things I find displeasing about my father. It's so peculiar that we tend to see the things we don't like in a person much more easily than we see the things we do like.

Anyways... I really enjoyed being there yesterday. One particular family of cousins, of whom I don't see very often owing to the fact that they used to live in Singapore, were all there. That was very fun. We got along very well, and it was definitely not as socially awkward as most reunions usually are. In fact, this was probably my favorite one so far. It seemed like things finally clicked between everyone, and we all realized, 'Wow! We're cousins!" There was still a lot of the 'what's your name again?' thing... But for the most part, I really enjoyed the experience.

When the birthday cake was finally cut, and the happy birthday song was sung, my grandpa got up to give the speech that any 70th birthday requires. Honestly, I think he deserves it, 70 years is a long time. When he started talking, it was back to the same old thing though. Jesus Christ's atonement, and how we can all be forgiven for whatever sins we're committed. He told a really good story about when he and my grandma were on their mission. The whole thing, though, really got me to thinking. What's with this? Why is it that every single time there's a family reunion, (which has happened increasingly often in the past year or so) it's as if we're all subject to some sort of sermon. Honestly, why can't it just be a thank you speech for all the good years? Some sort of anecdote making a play on your age? Tell a funny story about how you can't believe you're actually 70. I mean, it doesn't make me angry that he said something, even the fact that it was about religion. What pisses me off, is that the entire speech was focused on the family repenting of some kind of sin that we've all done. It's like... Really? Please tell me... What have I done that is so bad that it deserves public reprimanding? Sure, maybe not a very specific telling off, but still, it's just about the same thing.

I love my granddad... don't get me wrong. I just have a problem with the whole seriousness of everything when birthdays are supposed to be an uplifting, carefree environment.. Honestly... It really made me sad, and I'll admit, a bit guilty about some of the things that I've done (though, there aren't that many things I actually have done). That's not what a party is about... Might as well get on calling it a birthday mourning, or something of the sorts. Needless to say, it really subdued my attitude the rest of the day. It was just one more reason why I don't really like family reunions, even after this one was particularly exhilarating.