So I was bored with too much time on my hands, like usual considering I don't currently have a job, except the odd times that I hold and/or assemble signs. But that's a different story, and I digress.
I was writing a weird short story that was just coming to me off the top of my head while listening to a few celestial sounding songs by m83. It was about someone obtaining Nirvana and having unlimited access to the cosmos and all the energy between matter and just a ton of bullshit like that. It sounded really weird and stuff, but there were a few clever lines here and there.
Anyway, I get to a paragraph describing how he ended up creating the universe by condensing matter, and I think I started typing something with the general theme of "he did this by himself" and BAM! Something else was in the room. My family were all in bed, and the ferrets, the bird, the hamster and the goldfish were in their respective cages. I was completely alone, except for this presence. This heavy, all consuming, dark, being.
I saw something move out of the corner of my eye, and suffice it to say I was freaked out. If you've ever been in this situation before, you know just how I was feeling. If you haven't, I really don't recommend it. It is legitimately the most frightening thing I've ever experienced.
Well, I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready for bed in the hopes that I would forget about the feeling I had. It helped, I was able to calm myself down, and the presence had dissipated. After I put my retainer in, I walk back to my computer, to re-read what I've written so far. I was hoping that I had just imagined whatever it was that I had felt. It seemed I had, because the whole time I was reading, I felt perfectly fine. However, the second I started reading from that paragraph again, the feeling was back. The presence returned. Whether it was warning me to stop writing, or egging me on, wanting me to finish the thought, I wasn't sure. All I know is that single paragraph was provoking this unwanted feeling, and it was petrifying.
There's only been one other time that I've felt something like this before, and it too was equally as scary, if in a slightly different way.
I had been staying up late reading about children with enhanced psychic capabilities, something I was vastly interested in at the time, when I realized exactly how late it really was. So, I did the usual routine of turning on my "sleep" playlist (the songs of which have over 300 plays each) and curling up to go to sleep.
I was able to sleep, but rather restlessly. I kept waking up, but not randomly. It seemed like, for some reason, I would wake up to the parts of the songs that had the weirdest lyrics. Things that made sense when put in the context of the song, but to the disconnected and foggy brain of the sleeper, sounded just plain creepy. I remember one of the parts was something along the lines of "We'll be together, just you and I alone" or something with the same general insinuation. And this happened multiple times, in numerous different songs. I kept dismissing them as nothing, things that didn't really mean anything. Y'know, just coincidence.
Well, I woke up again, and I could tell instantly something was different. My room was completely dark. And there was something else in the room, perhaps multiple things. The atmosphere was so heavy, I could not even comprehend it. I was absolutely petrified, completely incapable of movement. The only thing I could do was shut my eyes and focus on not focusing on the presence.
It didn't work. I could feel it trying to get into my head, like some sort of ethereal demon. I could hear the lyrics from before, the creepy "all alone, just me and you" stuff echoing around inside of my head. There were a few moments where I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I stopped resisting, the thing would have won and taken over. It was about that time that I started praying. There was nothing else I could do, I couldn't leave my room, because I knew it was standing between me and the door, and sitting there was not a viable option either. So I prayed.
Eventually the presence receded, and I felt safe enough to open my eyes. For the rest of the night, I kept my lamp on and I just watched youtube videos on my computer.
Anyway, those are two of the most frightening, if not the top two most frightening moments of my life. Even thinking about them right now, I got chills multiple times. Some people don't believe in the paranormal. I think those people are just not as sensitive to it. I'm not saying I'm a really sensitive person, because I don't think I am, and I definitely would not want to develop the slight ability I have to sense that sort of stuff. But anyone who says that stuff like that doesn't exist has just never been in the same sort of situation.
It's real.
No joke.
Brett, I, too have had experiences like this. Once was in the dungeon of Mom's old house in Springville when I was writing a project, and was condemning Christians for their imperfections. I was writing something along the lines of "and if they follow religion for the wrong reasons, it would be better for them had they not been born." I immediately felt like there was a presence in the air as choking to my soul as smoke. I looked to the landing which led up to the rest of the house and knew that I was hair-widths away from seeing beings and spirits - all of which were ill-disposed to me.
ReplyDeleteThis is not all, but suffice it to say that I am a firm believer in there being a power of evil and good, both of which are contesting for each individual on this earth. It sounds kooky to believe in there being an actual satan who runs around this world beguiling people, but after experiencing things like this when our motivations become blasphemous, what are we left to assume? Certainly, there is a literal presence of evil and darkness in this world who feeds off of and cultivates resentment, selfishness, vanity, and anger towards one another, which has created all the calamities that mankind has ever faced; but there is also a power for good, whose power is so much greater, and allows for love, comfort, joy, happiness and peace even in times of overwhelming suffering. This is God. This is the story of humanity, and you will find examples of this in every story of every individual you will ever read or study about.
the question is: having discovered this very real situation we find ourselves in, where will we go? what will we do? will we change ourselves for the better, or allow ourselves to be changed and prevailed upon for the worse?
I can't say anymore. I'm a very good example of someone whose redeeming qualities are few - and I'm being totally serious here - very few. I know that God loves each and every one of us, and he wants a relationship with each and every one of us. Not only this, but he has different expectations for each and every one of us. All I can say for myself is that I've found happiness by trying to find out what expectations he has for me. I know that I am only happy and successful as long as I am trying to do this every day, and therein I might be very imperfect and flawed, but I hope to learn something positive by it and be better.
Heavenly Father loves you, Brett. I love you, and I wish I could do everything for you to help you be happy, but that's a journey we must each embark on separately.
I know all these things are true, and I know that I should not fear these terrible things which I have seen and witnessed because of the opposite, wonderful things I have seen and witnessed. I know that you can see wonderful things as well. exert yourself in that effort and I promise you that you will. I have been where you are and I am where I am - saying this to you, because I have tried to do this. You know how I was, and I'm only trying to be better each and every day. I say all of this with no respect for myself, but in the name of Jesus Christ, the beginning and source of all goodness, amen.