Well, I'm uploading like crazy. New and completed Lyrics to a piece from the possible musical :D

I will keep you here forever

To contemplate the decision you made

Just right now

Just a bit ago

So long ago

Forever go

I can feel my lips turning up and my tongue is forming the words to a

Lies don't work as well as truths I know this but I really don't give a

Shit it's working so fast I don't know how much longer he can wait but

Forever's long enough, I don't think you need more time holler when you're through.

I am so sick of your nonsense

It's getting older and older and older

Just like you

Just like them

Just like you all

But never like me

Death is only the beginning

Soon you'll know how I am feeling

Don't be upset or alarmed when you start to

Losing your mind is a treat

You never know how addling it is

Until it's gone

Gone and gone

Ball-park gone

Just like mine.

Just a dash of fine, aged hate

Add cynicism now stir and wait

Now a bit of your subject

Fill a vial and inject!

Welcome back here my old friend

I'm terribly sorry but an accident happened

Just last night

You were drunk

Driving too

Spinned out of control

I'm really sorry but you didn't make it

I was only slightly less unfortunate

Stuck in a coma really isn't a better situation to be in

Promise it's not

Rather inconvenient

Be back later,

Reality's calling

Don't worry, I forgive you.

Well well well..

Well, what do we have here?

The promise of a better year?

Not so, I would not dare to dream

Of a life so wonderful, So let's come clean.

What is it you really desire?

The savant's craze or passion's fire?

And what of when the kindling dies,

Will the night be pierced with your cries

Or the promises of devotion still

Despite the tongue's dwindling fill?

Tell me again, this time sincere

Of what allure should hold you here

On what level of infinite do I exist

That your attention is still as fixed

As it was on day one

With the promise of a brighter sun.

You are most immeasurably the better

But can you withstand the doldrum's weather?

Once twists and turns have all died down

And what we're left with is calm's sweet sound

You'll look at me with a different face

A stranger one that pricks no trace

Upon the memories of an exciting past

Fragile as wind, the stare will last

Always there under every face

The residue of a slower pace

When ecstasy's raw power

Has depleted its last hour

And the promise of future sips

From its fountain never left its lips

We're stuck here watching as the whole thing falls

The fortitude of excitement, gone from it's walls

The castle that we had built together

To withstand the hardest weather

Fails the simplest test there is

The test of time.

New Song Lyrics!

Cynicism in a Random Key

Now listen to an anecdote that's starved of any joy

A tragic tale of accidents about a little boy

He died one day because a bullet soared right through his brain

Black ash was on his fingertips no signs of foul-play

His wish was that they'd send him off, and that is what they did

With covers of white silk a once strong body now placid

They wept they cried they moaned in pain, but not because he died

Their sorrow lay with where they thought his soul would now reside

In life he was a sinner, for in his heart he loved

To be a wicked naughty boy not bound to his betrothed

They sent him to the altar, the woman by his side

He spurned her love on that sad day, his vows he did deny

Let us take a moment to say thanks to his family for providing such tasty treats at his funeral service

Because when you have a relative that sins it's important to keep up your appearances

And this boy was a sinner in everything that he ever did!

He rejected help, he would not turn from what he thought was true

Love is love, he'd always say, I guess that love was you

Of course we know that he was wrong, we hate those of his kind

But this one died, so I guess in the end it's just fine.

The Doldrums of Real Life.

It's over. Done. Complete. There's nothing left... I am free to do whatever I want. I am free to be as gay as my heart desires, or to be as creepy as I can, or to be as generous as my status can offer. I'm really free to do everything I've ever wanted. Free to be a human, free to make mistakes, free to make bad friends, free to date perverted people who I dumb a day later, free to ask for more than I need, free to go without.

And yet, all I see in the world are the barriers I have yet to bring down. The things holding me back from what I really want. Whether they're in my own head in the form of my self-consciousness, or whether they're more extrinsic problems like "how will I pay for college?" and "how will I survive on my own when the time comes for me to do so?"

The real problem in my life is that I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want to be. Well, that's not true. I want to be a musician. I want to be a performer. I want people to hear my music. I want them to hear it and feel the emotion I put into it. I want it to surpass the bullshit that is modern pop music. I want people to hear it and weep the same way I wept when I wrote it. I want them to hear it and laugh in maniacal joy over the strangeness of the tune.

I keep thinking about what I should do with my life, and that right now is the time to make the decision. What if college isn't right for me? I know I will love it, but I just don't see it happening. Where will I get the money? What if I go, learn to do whatever it is I learn to do, and then do nothing with it? What if I rack up thousands of dollars in debt only for a self-discovery that I could have had in the first place?

What if? What if? What if? what iF? WHAT IF? what if......... . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I already know how this will end.

I think it's time for this ridiculousness to end.

So... So so so... SO! I think I am going to end this stupid thing I have for this stupid person. Before anyone gets all offended about whether or not the stupid person will be upset, I beg any and all of my nonexistent readers to look at the sentence again. Notice there are a lot of I's and not a lot of We's.

I am going to end something that never began in any way shape or form outside of my own imagination. Sure, I mean, he knows I exist; we talk almost every day and we joke and tease each other a lot. But I just have to know... I just have to know how he feels. So I figure the fastest way to learn how he feels is to tell him how I feel. And I know just the way to do it.

So, a few weeks ago my school had an event called Acoustic Night, and I performed in it. Now the song that I performed was one that I wrote, and I wrote new lyrics for it for a specific purpose. I've posted the lyrics before, and they're basically about tempting someone to do something they want to do, but don't feel like they can do. Sort of coercing, but not so much coercing and more giving them a helping hand in the direction they want to go.

Anyways! I wrote this song and I was hoping to perform this song in front of this boy. I pestered him for a good two weeks before the performance, trying to ensure he was going. After he said he would, I pestered him even more to make sure he was going. Now, maybe I came on too strong, and I guess the last sentence made it sound that way... But I know when I'm being annoying, and this definitely was not as annoying as he's used to, so I don't think that was it.

Either way, for some reason, he ended up not going. It was infuriating. I was really angry at him because of it, and even now I still feel hurt though most of my anger is now sadness. Anyways... It's been a week or two since the performance, and I think I've finally realized that the only way I am going to get over him is though a definite and hopefully blunt and to the point answer, which is asking a lot considering nothing I do concerning him is blunt and to the point. It's taken me how long to finally rack up the courage to tell him how I feel?

Anyways... I am nervous, because what if he's not even gay? I mean.. It would irritate me less if he is gay, and just isn't interested in me than it would if he wasn't even gay in the first place. It's just super irritating to think that I could fall for someone who isn't even a possibility, and I would like to retain the idea that I am smarter than that. Chances are, I'll tell him how I feel and he'll flat out say no way, or something along those lines. That's really okay with me. It would be closure. Much. Needed. Closure. The type of closure I feel I've never had with anyone else I've felt this way about.

The problem... A lot of people in his position (religious family and religious individual coupled with the fact that he's a sports junky) would probably say the say the same thing, even if they were harboring feelings for someone. But maybe that's just the freak in me always looking for a way to blame it on something other than how he really feels. Either way, I think it's time for this ridiculousness to end. And end it will. On Monday. During Lunch. In the Library. With the candlestick.